Nick Marshall: What's the difference between a wife and a job? After 10 years a job still sucks.

Nick Marshall: There's way too much estrogen on television these days.

Darcy McGuire: I'm the man-eating bitch Darth Vader of the ad world.

Lola: You talk to me like a woman, you think like a woman. Nick, come on, admit it. You're totally and completely gay!

Morgan: What, are you officially a woman now?

Nick Marshall: I can see elegant parties...
Darcy McGuire: You can see all that?
Nick Marshall: Well, maybe you're naked and I'm the only guest, but it's still elegant.

Nick Marshall: It's never too late to do the right thing. That's what I'll do, I'll go over there and do the right thing.

Nick Marshall: Have you ever done that, taken the wrong road? Of course not, you wouldn't do that, somebody like me does that.

Darcy McGuire: What kind of knight in shining armor would I be if the man I love needs rescuing and I just let him walk out my door?

Morgan: Can we walk AND talk? Because, in case you live, I don't wanna be late.

J.M. Perkins: If you know what women want, you can rule!

Lola: Okay, lied about the "grande"...

Lola: Ladies and gentlemen, Nick Marshall is a sex god!