A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields Quote

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
- W. C. Fields Quote

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
- W. C. Fields Quote

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
- W. C. Fields Quote

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
- W. C. Fields Quote

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
- W. C. Fields Quote

I drink therefore I am.
- W. C. Fields Quote

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
- W. C. Fields Quote

I must have a drink of breakfast.
- W. C. Fields Quote

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
- W. C. Fields Quote

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
- W. C. Fields Quote

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
- W. C. Fields Quote

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
- W. C. Fields Quote

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
- W. C. Fields Quote

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
- W. C. Fields Quote

I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
- W. C. Fields Quote

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
- W. C. Fields Quote

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
- W. C. Fields Quote

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
- W. C. Fields Quote

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields Quote

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
- W. C. Fields Quote

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Never give a sucker an even break.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
- W. C. Fields Quote

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
- W. C. Fields Quote

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
- W. C. Fields Quote

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
- W. C. Fields Quote

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
- W. C. Fields Quote

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
- W. C. Fields Quote

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
- W. C. Fields Quote

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
- W. C. Fields Quote

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
- W. C. Fields Quote