Alonzo Harris: All right, burn it, barbecue it, fish-fry it, I don't give a fuck, but it'll make the boys feel better --
Jake Hoyt: Fuck their feelings!
Alonzo Harris: You're not makin' them feel like you're part of the team.
Jake Hoyt: Team? You guys are fuckin' insane!

Alonzo Harris: Now, whenever you think of pullin' the trigger, you think of him first! 'Cuz if you don't, he'll snatch your fuckin' nuts out and use 'em for dice!

Jake Hoyt: This car is not from the motor pool.
Alonzo Harris: It's not, sexy though, ain't it?
Jake Hoyt: So, where's the office? Back at division?
Alonzo Harris: You're in the office, baby.

Jake Hoyt: Now, listen to me, that girl was being raped. I saw these two fuckin' drug addicts attacking her, and I stopped 'em --
Smiley: You lie to me!
Jake Hoyt: I would - not - lie to you --
Smiley: You lie to me!
Jake Hoyt: I swear to God! She was being raped, and I stopped 'em, man! And please man, I got a little kid --
Moreno: Shut the fuck up, faggot!
Sniper: Blast his ass, homes.
Jake Hoyt: And hey! I have - a little girl!!!

Jake Hoyt: Listen to me, that girl was being raped. I saw these two fuckin' drug addicts attacking her and I stopped 'em man --
Smiley: You lie to me!
Jake Hoyt: I would not lie!
Smiley: You lie to me!
Jake Hoyt: I swear to God! And please man, I got a little kid --
Moreno: Shut the fuck up, faggot!
Sniper: Blast him ass, homes.
Jake Hoyt: She was being raped! And I stopped 'em! And hey! I have -- a little girl!

Lou Jacobs: I don't know why I'm talking to you. I don't talk to dead men.
Alonzo Harris: I ain't dead yet. Fuckin' prick.

Alonzo Harris: Why the long face, Doug? Feds cease your house?
Doug Rosselli: Fuck yourself, Alonzo.

Alonzo Harris: All right, when's the last time you did a felony stop?
Jake Hoyt: Uh, couple weeks ago?
Alonzo Harris: Good, you need practice.
Jake Hoyt: They look like college kids.
Alonzo Harris: They're gonna get their education today. I don't want the Brady Bunch grabbin' glass. You take the back, I'll take the front.

Jake Hoyt: That stuff doesn't fly anymore, man. Shovin' a pen down -- what if that guy complains?
Alonzo Harris: To who?

Alonzo Harris: You disloyal, fool-ass, bitch-made punk!

Jake Hoyt: If he's not here, why are we here?
Alonzo Harris: We're here to serve this warrant.
Jake Hoyt: C'mon, man. We can't do that.
Alonzo Harris: Yes, hell we can. We're the PO-lice, we can do what the fuck we wanna do.

Alonzo Harris: How you want it, dawg? Closed casket? Remember that fool in the wheelchair? How'd you think he got there?

Alonzo Harris: You wouldn't mind if I have some of your three thousand dollar-a-glass shit there, would you?

Alonzo Harris: You hear that, homey? You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Huh?
Crackhead #1: What you think?
Alonzo Harris: They got room for you at the booty house, you ever been to the booty house. Big boys have you grab you ankles --
Crackhead #1: Suck my dick, bitch! I know people!
Alonzo Harris: That's how it starts. What about you, my man? Where's yo' horn?
Crackhead #2: I ain't got nothin' on me, man.
Alonzo Harris: You sure?
Crackhead #2: Yeah, man.
Alonzo Harris: You got money, though.
[pulls out crack]
Alonzo Harris: Ooohh, you lied to me, you lied to me! Lucky I don't make you eat that, dawg!
[steps on crack]

Blue: I told ya'll I don't work for nobody! Why the fuck are ya'll sweatin' me any mothafuckin' way?!!

Alonzo Harris: You get the wolf to protect the sheep. And it takes a wolf to get a wolf.

Alonzo Harris: This shit's chess, it ain't checkers

Alonzo Harris: I'm the reason they build prisons!

Alonzo Harris: Oh, you mothafuckas. OK. I'm puttin' cases on all you bitches! Huh? You think you can do this shit -- you think you can do this to me?!! You mothafuckas'll be playin' basketball in Pelican Bay, when I get finished wit' you! Shoe program, nigga! Twenty-four hour lockdown! 'Cause I'm the man up in this piece -- you'll never see the light of -- who the fuck do you think you fuckin' with?!! I'm the police! I run shit here, you just live here! Yeah, that's right, you better walk away! Go on walk 'cuz I'ma burn this mothafucka down! King Kong don't have shit on me!!! That's all right...that's all right...shit, I don't fuck. I'm winnin', I'm winnin' any mothafuckin' way, I can't lose. Shit, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me! Oh, what a day, what a mothafuckin' day!

Jake Hoyt: That isn't justice. That's street justice!
Alonzo Harris: What's wrong with street justice?
Jake Hoyt: So we just let the animals kill themselves?
Alonzo Harris: God willing.

Alonzo Harris: It's not what you know, it's what you can prove!!!

Jake Hoyt: [after repeatedly punching Detective Harris] It's no fun when the rabbit has the gun, is it?
Alonzo Harris: [laughing] My nigga...
[to surrounding crowd]
Alonzo Harris: Hey! First dom who puts one in his head...I'll make you a rich man! C'mon now, who wanna get paid? Who wanna get paid?!!
Jake Hoyt: They're not like you. You wanna know what I learned today? I'm not like you!
Alonzo Harris: That's good, Jake. Glad to hear it. Good...so what you gonna do know, you gonna shoot me? You gonna bust yo' cherry killin' a cop?
[pulls out badge]
Alonzo Harris: There it is, Jake, hit me! You ain't never killed anybody before, have you? It ain't like steppin' on ants, Jake. It takes a man to kill...you man enough to kill, Jake?

Alonzo Harris: Yeah whatever. Whatever the fuck ever.

[Singing]
Alonzo Harris: Oh where, Oh where has my little Jake gone? Oh where, oh where can he be?

Alonzo Harris: Yeah, you dead now. Turn down drugs to a dealer and the police chief is handing your wife a crisp flag. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Jake Hoyt: [after smoking angel dust] Who are you?
Alonzo Harris: I'm the zig-zag man, who the fuck are you?
Jake Hoyt: I'm a cop.
Alonzo Harris: Watch out...don't shoot nobody.

Card player: So tell me something. How long have you been a pig, I mean, a police officer?
Jake Hoyt: I've been a pig for 19 months.
Card player: 19 months? You like it?
Jake Hoyt: I should have been a fireman.

Alonzo Harris: Why don't you entertain me with some of your bullshit.

Alonzo Harris: Believe it or not, I do try to do some good in the community.

Alonzo Harris: If I was a dealer, you'd be dead by now.

Alonzo Harris: There are some profoundly evil people, walking the streets right now!

Alonzo Harris: Motha fucker. You shot me in the ass.

Alonzo Harris: Shit, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me.

Alonzo Harris: Get some chow in you before we go to the office. My dollar.
Jake Hoyt: Thank you sir, but I ate--
Alonzo Harris: Fine, don't.
Jake Hoyt: It's nice here.
Alonzo Harris: May I read my paper?
Jake Hoyt: I'm sorry, sir, I--
Alonzo Harris: Thank you.
Jake Hoyt: Um, I'll just go get something to eat--
Alonzo Harris: Hell no you won't, you fucked that up already.

Smiley: You got the right to be bitch-slapped!

[on phone]
Jake Hoyt: Hello?
Alonzo Harris: Hoyt?
Jake Hoyt: Yes, sir?
Alonzo Harris: You on your way to roll call?
Jake Hoyt: Yes, sir, I'm on my way out the door right now.
Alonzo Harris: Hoyt!
Jake Hoyt: Yes, sir?
Alonzo Harris: Patrol ferries go to roll call, we don't go to roll call -

[referring to his shotgun]
Alonzo Harris: You KNOW I'm surgical with this bitch!

Jake Hoyt: Its not so fun when the rabbit has a gun.

Alonzo Harris: Its not like I was pointing a gun at your head.

[Hoyt just smoked some weed]
Alonzo Harris: When was the last time you smoked weed?
Jake Hoyt: High school... We were...
Alonzo Harris: Smoking weed.
Jake Hoyt: Right.
Alonzo Harris: Right.

Alonzo Harris: Oh, you federally fucked now!

Alonzo Harris: But, I don't believe you. You tapped that ass, didn't you. C'mon, tell the truth, you know you tapped that ass. You put her in the backseat, BAM! Code-X!
Jake Hoyt: Look man, I got a wife --
Alonzo Harris: You got a dick. You DO have a dick, don't you? All right, the dick lines up straight. To the right of it and to the left of it are pockets, right? In those pockets are money. Look in either one of 'em, pay the bill!

Alonzo Harris: Take that dick and stick it up that funky little ass of yours, bitch! Damn, I'm thirsty!

Smiley: I am always getting love for the homies.

[To Jake Hoyt]
Paul: You're a long way from Starbuck's homey.

Blue: Smells like bacon in this mothafucka. What do I look like, a sucka to you, nigga? Fuck you rookie!

Blue: Civil rights violatin' mothafuckas!