Melanie Carmichael: Can he swim?
Jake: Doesn't look like it.

Jake: [not recognizing Melanie in her sunglasses] Can I help you?
Melanie Carmichael: Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.
Jake: Are you shittin' me?
Melanie Carmichael: I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not "SHITTING" you.

Jake: The only reason I ain't signing is cause you've turned into some hoity toity yankee bitch and I'd like nothing more than to piss you off!!

Stella: You know for something you've been holding onto for so long, you're pretty quick to let it go.
Jake: I can't control her, anymore than I can control the weather.

Mayor Kate Hennings: Why don't you go back to your double-wide and fry something!

Bobby Ray: You can take the girl out of the honky tonk, but you can't take the honky tonk out of the girl!

Melanie Carmichael: The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, all of it, and I never really got it back.

Melanie Carmichael: Hi, I'm Melanie Carmichael, Jake's snotty Yankee bitch wife.

Andrew: You married your COUSIN?

Melanie Carmichael: You're the first boy I kissed, Jake, and I want you to be the last.

Bobby Ray: Well aren't you just a big fat liar!

Melanie Carmichael: Look at you, you have a baby!...In a bar!

Melanie Carmichael: You dumb stubborn redneck hick.
Earl Smooter: You can't ride two horses with one ass.
Young Melanie: What do you want to marry me for anyhow?
Young Jake: So I can kiss you anytime I want.