Miles: Sometimes you gotta say "What the Fuck", make your move. Joel, every now and then, saying "What the Fuck", brings freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity brings freedom. So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself.
Joel Goodson: Yeah.
Miles: What the fuck.

Joel Goodson: It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four letter word.

[last line]
Joel Goodson: My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?

Guido: Let me give you a little advice so you know. Never ever fuck with another man's life's work. Go have fun, now? You know fun, time of your life? Maybe if you follow that, I won't have to come back here.

Service Manager: Who's the U-Boat Commander?

Joel Goodson: Looks like the University of Illinois!

Joel Goodson: [narrating] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors. I knock, but no one seems to be there, so I go inside.

Guido: Listen to me.
Joel Goodson: No, no. You listen to ME!
[Guido hangs up]
Joel Goodson: Shit!

Joel Goodson: You listen to me, buster. You, you a-hole.
Guido: A-hole?
Joel Goodson: I want my stuff back right now.
Guido: Now you listen to me, you little fuck. Not only you take my two best girls, you call me names. If I didn't have any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it'd be your arms, your legs, your head.

[Miles is taunting Joel with outrageous personal ads.]
Miles: "My daddy used to spank my bare bottom. Now he's gone. Will you take his place?"

Joel Goodson: When it came right down to it, I just wasn't attracted to her.
Miles: That should never stop you.

Joel Goodson: Don't steal anything. If I come back here and anything's missing, I'm going straight to the police. I mean it.
Lana: Go to school, Joel. Learn something.

[On calling Lana.]
Jackie: It's what you want. It's what every white boy off the lake wants.

Joel Goodson: College women can smell ignorance... like dog shit.

[Joel Goodson's parents are away for the weekend]
Miles: Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.

Miles: Say "what the fuck." ...If you can't say it, you can't do it.

[Lana is the prostitute Joel has hired using an alias]
Lana: Are you ready for me... Ralph?

Joel's Mother: Please Joel, do what they say, just get off the babysitter.

Joel Goodson: So is this Guido guy... he's your "manager"?
Lana: That's right.
Joel Goodson: Or a pimp?
Lana: Now that's quick Joel. Have you always been this quick, or is this something new?

[After Joel's Princeton interview]
Lana: So, how're we doin'?
Joel Goodson: Looks like University of Illinois!

Miles: I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

Joel Goodson: Porsche. There is no substitute.
Miles: Fuck you.

Joel's Father: Sometimes you just gotta say "what the heck."

Joel Goodson: [sigh] You know bill? There is one thing I've learned in all my years...sometimes you gotta say "what the fuck." Make your move.