A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
- Ogden Nash Quote

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
- Ogden Nash Quote

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
- Ogden Nash Quote

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?
- Ogden Nash Quote

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash Quote

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?
- Ogden Nash Quote

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
- Ogden Nash Quote

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
- Ogden Nash Quote

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
- Ogden Nash Quote

I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.
- Ogden Nash Quote

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.
- Ogden Nash Quote

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
- Ogden Nash Quote

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
- Ogden Nash Quote

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
- Ogden Nash Quote

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
- Ogden Nash Quote

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
- Ogden Nash Quote

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
- Ogden Nash Quote

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash Quote

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
- Ogden Nash Quote

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
- Ogden Nash Quote

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.
- Ogden Nash Quote

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
- Ogden Nash Quote

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
- Ogden Nash Quote

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.
- Ogden Nash Quote

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
- Ogden Nash Quote

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
- Ogden Nash Quote

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.
- Ogden Nash Quote

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
- Ogden Nash Quote

Too clever is dumb.
- Ogden Nash Quote

Women would rather be right than reasonable.
- Ogden Nash Quote