Martin Riggs: You know they're going to kill her, don't you?
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah.
Martin Riggs: So if you want her back, you're going to have to take her away from them.
Roger Murtaugh: I know.
Martin Riggs: You do this my way. You shoot, you shoot to kill, get as many of them as you can. All you got to do is just not miss.
Roger Murtaugh: I won't miss.
Martin Riggs: We're going to get bloody on this one, Rog.
Roger Murtaugh: Are you really crazy? Or are you as good as you say you are?
Martin Riggs: You're just gonna have to trust me.

Mr. Joshua: Endo has forgotten more about pain than most people will ever know.

Dixie: Can I go now?
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah, sure.
Dixie: Thanks, I'm exhausted, you know how it is.
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah, all dressed up and no one to blow.
Dixie: Yeah you're hilarious.

[After rescuing Roger and Rianne]
Martin Riggs: Let's get the flock out of here!

Martin Riggs: What do you say, Jack? You like a shot at the title?
Mr. Joshua: I don't mind if I do.

Martin Riggs: You want me to drive?
Roger Murtaugh: No, you're supposed to be suicidal, remember? I'LL drive.
Martin Riggs: Anybody who drives around in this town IS suicidal.

Martin Riggs: We both know why I was transferred. Everyone thinks I'm suicidal, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me; or they think I'm faking to draw a psycho pension, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me. Basically, I'm fucked.
Roger Murtaugh: Guess what?
Martin Riggs: What?
Roger Murtaugh: I don't want to work with you!
Martin Riggs: Hey, don't.
Roger Murtaugh: Ain't got no choice! Looks like we both are fucked!
Martin Riggs: Terrific.
Roger Murtaugh: God hates me. That's what it is.
Martin Riggs: Hate him back; it works for me.

Roger Murtaugh: Okay, clown, no bullshit! You wanna kill yourself?!
Martin Riggs: Oh, for Chriss---
Roger Murtaugh: Shut up! Yes or no--you wanna die?!
Martin Riggs: Oh, I got the job done! What the hell do you want?!
Roger Murtaugh: JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!
Martin Riggs: Well, what do you wanna hear, man?! Do you wanna hear that sometimes I think about eatin' a bullet?! Huh? Well, I do! I even got a special bullet for the occasion with a hollow point, look! Make sure it blows the back of my goddamned head out and do the job right! Every single day I wake up and I think of a reason not to do it! Every single day! You know why I don't do it?! This is gonna make you laugh! You know why I don't do it?! The job! Doin' the job! Now that's the reason!

[After stopping Riggs from shooting himself.]
Roger Murtaugh: You're not trying to draw a psycho pension! You really are crazy!

[Picking up a young prostitute.]
Young prostitute: What have you got in mind?
Martin Riggs: Well, I want you to come home and watch television with me.
Young prostitute: You serious?
Martin Riggs: Yeah. "The 3 Stooges" are on in 20 minutes.

Martin Riggs: This is a real badge, I'm a real cop, and this is a real fucking gun!

Martin Riggs: Oh, Roger?
Roger Murtaugh: What?
Martin Riggs: The guy who shot me. The guy who shot me? It's the same albino jackrabbit son of a bitch who did Hunsacker.
Roger Murtaugh: You sure?
Martin Riggs: Yeah, I'm sure man. I never forget an asshole.

[Discussing a theory]
Martin Riggs: That's very thin.
Roger Murtaugh: Thin is my middle name.
Martin Riggs: Considering your wife's cooking, I'm not surprised.

Martin Riggs: I don't make things difficult. That's the way they get, all by themselves.

[Riggs is captured by General McAlister]
Martin Riggs: You're General Peter McAlister, Commander of Shadow Company.
McAlister: I see we've heard of each other.
Martin Riggs: Yep. It'll almost be a shame when I nail you.

Martin Riggs: Look, why don't we just the cut the shit here? We both know why I was transferred. People think I'm crazy, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me. Or they think I'm faking to draw a psycho pension, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me. Basically, I'm fucked.

Man at the office: You know, Roger, you are way behind the times. The guys of the 80s aren't though. They are sensitive people. Show a little emotion to a woman and shit like that. I think I'm an 80's...
Roger Murtaugh: How do you figure?
Man at the office: Last night I cried in bed. So how is that?
Roger Murtaugh: Were you with a woman?
Man at the office: I was alone. Why do you think I cried?
Roger Murtaugh: Sounds like an 80's man to me...

[Repeated line all the way]
Roger Murtaugh: I'm too old for this shit!

Martin Riggs: Perhaps there's an opening in the L.A. Fire Department?

[When Joshua is panting on the lawn after the title-fight]
Roger Murtaugh: Get that shit off my lawn!

Roger Murtaugh: Have you ever met anybody you didn't kill?
Martin Riggs: Well, I haven't killed you yet.

Martin Riggs: You don't trust me at all, do you?
Roger Murtaugh: Well, I'll tell you what. You make it through tomorrow without killing anybody, especially me, or yourself, then I'll start trusting you.
Martin Riggs: Fair enough.

Martin Riggs: I do it real good, you know.
Roger Murtaugh: Do what?
Martin Riggs: When I was 19, I did a guy in Laos with a rifle shot in high wind. They told me, maybe eight or... even ten guys in the world could have made that shot. ...It's the only thing I was ever good at.

Roger Murtaugh: See how easy that was? Boom, still alive. Now we question him. You know why we question him? Because I got him in the leg. I didn't shoot him full of holes or try to jump off a building with him.
Martin Riggs: Hey, that's not fair. The building guy lived.