I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
- Jerry Seinfeld Quote

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
- Jerry Seinfeld Quote

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
- Jerry Seinfeld Quote

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.
- Jerry Seinfeld Quote

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
- Jerry Seinfeld Quote

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
- Jerry Seinfeld Quote

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
- Jerry Seinfeld Quote

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
- Jerry Seinfeld Quote

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
- Jerry Seinfeld Quote

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.
- Jerry Seinfeld Quote

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
- Jerry Seinfeld Quote

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
- Jerry Seinfeld Quote

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
- Jerry Seinfeld Quote

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
- Jerry Seinfeld Quote