[At the secret government lab.]
President Thomas Whitmore: I don't understand, where does all this come from? How do you get funding for something like this?
Julius Levinson: You don't actually think they spend $20,000.00 on a hammer, $30,000.00 on a toilet seat do you?

David Levinson: Must go faster.

Julius Levinson: If I had known I was gonna meet the president I would've worn a tie. Look at me, I look like a schliemiel.

Gen. Gray: Are you all right?
President Thomas Whitmore : I saw...its thoughts. I saw what they're planning to do. They're like locusts. They're moving from planet to planet...their whole civilization. After they've consumed every natural resource they move on...and we're next. Nuke 'em. Let's nuke the bastards.

Julius Levinson: Everyone's trying to get out of Washington, and we're the only schmucks trying to get in.

Julius Levinson: If you're so smart, tell me something, how come you go to M.I.T. for 8 years to become a cable repairman?

Captain Steven Hiller: Oops.
David Levinson: W-what do you mean, oops?
Captain Steven Hiller: Some jerk put this...
David Levinson: Don't say "oops".
Captain Steven Hiller: What do you say we try that again?
David Levinson: Yes, yes. Yes. Without the "oops". Thataway.

[Connie left David to pursue a career]
Constance: Haven't you ever wanted to be part of something special?
David Levinson: I was part of something special

Captain Steven Hiller: I ain't heard no fat lady!
David Levinson: Forget the fat lady. You're Obsessed with fat lady. Just get us out of here!

David Levinson: You really think you can fly that thing?
Captain Steven Hiller: You really think you can do all that bullshit you just said?

David Levinson: They're firing at us!!
Captain Steven Hiller: Really, YOU THINK?!?

Russel Casse: I picked a helluva day to quit drinkin'.

President Thomas Whitmore: The only mistake I ever made was to appoint a sniveling little weasel like you Secretary of Defense. However, that is a mistake, I am happy to say, that I don't have to live with. Mr. Nimzicki...you're fired.

Julius Levinson: All you need is love, John Lennon, smart man, shot in the back very sad.

Russel Casse: In the words of my generation: Up Yours!

Dr. Okun: As you can imagine they don't let us out much.

President Thomas Whitmore: What do you want us to do?
Captured Alien: Die. Die.

Captain Steven Hiller: Oh, no. no, you are NOT shootin' that green shit at me!

[Julius discards a styrofoam cup.]
David Levinson: Hey, you have any idea how long it takes for those cups to decompose?
Julius Levinson: If you don't move soon, I'm gonna start to decompose.

Capt. Jimmy Wilder: Let's kick the tires and light the fires, big daddy!

Captain Steven Hiller: Is that an earthquake?
Jasmine Dubrow: Not even a four pointer. Go back to sleep.

[People have gathered to welcome the aliens.]
Elvis Fanatic: Oh god, I hope they bring back Elvis.

[After the aliens have attacked]
Older Boy: [to his girlfriend] This may be our last night on earth. You don't want to die a virgin, do you?

Captain Steven Hiller: I'm just a little anxious to get up there and whup E.T.'s ass.

[After smacking the alien in the head]
Captain Steven Hiller: Welcome to Earth!

Gen. Gray: Mr. President, I'd sure like to know what you're doing.
President Thomas Whitmore: I'm a combat pilot, Will. I belong in the air.

President Thomas Whitmore: We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore.

[Speaking to a large group of jet pilots before the final attack]
President Thomas Whitmore: Mankind. That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interest. Perhaps it is fate that today is the fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom. Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution . . . but from annihilation. We're fighting for our right to live. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice that we will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!

David Levinson: A toast, to the end of the world.

Captain Steven Hiller: Y'know, this was supposed to be my weekend off, but noooo. You got me out here draggin' your heavy ass through the burnin' desert with your dreadlocks stickin' out the back of my parachute. You gotta come down here with an attitude, actin' all big and bad... and what the hell is that smell? I could've been at a barbecue! But I ain't mad.

Captain Steven Hiller: Now that's what I call a close encounter

Albert Nimzicki: I'm not Jewish.
Julius Levinson: Well, nobody's perfect.

Captain Steven Hiller: Look, I really don't think they flew 90 billion light years to come down here and start a fight. Get all rowdy.

President Thomas Whitmore: Sir, regardless of what you may have read in the tabloids, there have never been any spacecraft recovered by our government. Take my word for it. There's no Area 51. There's no recovered space ship.
Albert Nimzicki: Uh, excuse me, Mr. President. That's not *entirely* accurate.
David Levinson: What? Which part?

Jasmine Dubrow: There you go, thinking you're all that. But you are not as charming as you think you are, sir.
Captain Steven Hiller: Yes I am.

David Levinson: They're bringing us in.
Captain Steven Hiller: When the hell was you gonna tell me?
David Levinson: Oops.
Captain Steven Hiller: We're gonna have to work on our communication.

David Levinson: [After the ship is caught by a tractor beam] They're bringing us in.
Captain Steven Hiller: When the hell was you gonna tell me?
David Levinson: [smiling] Oops.
Captain Steven Hiller: We're gonna have to work on our communication.

Reporter: Los Angeles, New York and Washington D.C. have been left in ruins.
Russel Casse: Good God! I've been sayin' it. I've been sayin' it for ten damn years. Ain't I been sayin' it, Miguel? Yeah, I've been sayin' it.

Russel Casse: [To the aliens] Hello boys, I'm Baaaack!

[after starting up alien ship]
Captain Steven Hiller: I have got to get me one of these!

Marty Gilbert: A countdown... wait, a countdown to what David?
David Levinson: It's like in chess: First, you strategically position your pieces and when the timing is right you strike. They're using this signal to syncronize their efforts and in 5 hours the countdown will be over.
Marty Gilbert: And then what?
David Levinson: Checkmate.
Marty Gilbert: Oh, my God. I gotta call my brother, my housekeeper, my lawyer. Nah, forget my lawyer.