A gene can be either dominant or recessive, depending on which type of gene it is.
- Dave Barry Quote
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
- Dave Barry Quote
And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West.
- Dave Barry Quote
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
- Dave Barry Quote
Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
- Dave Barry Quote
Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
- Dave Barry Quote
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
- Dave Barry Quote
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!
- Dave Barry Quote
Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
- Dave Barry Quote
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
- Dave Barry Quote
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
- Dave Barry Quote
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.
- Dave Barry Quote
Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?
- Dave Barry Quote
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
- Dave Barry Quote
I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
- Dave Barry Quote
I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.
- Dave Barry Quote
I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.
- Dave Barry Quote
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
- Dave Barry Quote
If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
- Dave Barry Quote
In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.
- Dave Barry Quote
In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.
- Dave Barry Quote
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
- Dave Barry Quote
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.
- Dave Barry Quote
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
- Dave Barry Quote
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
- Dave Barry Quote
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
- Dave Barry Quote
Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.
- Dave Barry Quote
Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
- Dave Barry Quote
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- Dave Barry Quote
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
- Dave Barry Quote
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry Quote
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
- Dave Barry Quote
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
- Dave Barry Quote
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
- Dave Barry Quote
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.
- Dave Barry Quote
The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.
- Dave Barry Quote
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
- Dave Barry Quote
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
- Dave Barry Quote
The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
- Dave Barry Quote
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.
- Dave Barry Quote
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.
- Dave Barry Quote
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.
- Dave Barry Quote
The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
- Dave Barry Quote
The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
- Dave Barry Quote
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
- Dave Barry Quote
The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
- Dave Barry Quote
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
- Dave Barry Quote
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
- Dave Barry Quote
Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.
- Dave Barry Quote
We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.
- Dave Barry Quote
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.
- Dave Barry Quote
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
- Dave Barry Quote
What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.
- Dave Barry Quote
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
- Dave Barry Quote
