Brian: Days get shorter and shorter, nights longer and longer, before you know it, you life is just one long night with a few comatose daylight hours.

Doug: Coughlin's law: never tell tales about a woman no matter how far away she is, she'll always here you.

[Jordan is drawing a picture of Brian]
Brian: So this is your profession.
Jordan: More like my.. obsession.
Brian: To pay the rent?
Jordan: Someday it will.

Brian: Should we let it breathe?
Doug: It hasn't breathed for fifty years, it's dead. Let's just drink it.

Brian: I'll stick with the brew.
Doug: Beer is for breakfast around here, drink or be gone.

[Jordan has returned to her father's Park Avenue penthouse to find Brian arguing with him.]
Brian: I think there's a chance for us.
Jordan: Brianre is no "us." There's too many things about "us" that don't work.
Brian: What about the baby? A kid needs a father.
Jordan: Not one who's not going to be around in a year?
Mr. Mooney: Yeah, with your lifestyle, what kind of a father would you...
Jordan: Dad!

Brian: Coughlin's law: never show surprise, never lose your cool.

Brian: You're offering me a job?
Doug: Uh huh.
Brian: The waitresses hate me!
Doug: You wait till you've given them crabs. Then you'll really know hatred.

[Flanagan's advice to his unborn child:]
Brian: If Jordan gives birth to a fine Irish son / There will be Cocktails and Dreams for him one day to run / A business that will yield the financial windfall / To be franchised in every suburban shopping mall. / If a daughter arrives to bless our clan / I guess the shit will finally hit the fan / But this I shall promise thee / I'll never let her marry a guy like me. / Still if our child is the naughtiet of girls or the wildest of young men / I swear I'll be the best dad I can / And never ever get spooked again.

[Last Barman poem]
Brian: I am the last barman poet / I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make / Americans getting stinky on something I stir or shake / The sex on the beach / The schnapps made from peach / The velvet hammer / The alabama slammer. / I make things with juice and froth / The pink squirrel / The 3-toed sloth. / I make drinks so sweat and snazzy / The iced tea / The kamakazi / The orgasm / The death spasm / The Singapore sling / The dingaling. / America you've just been devoted to every flavor I got / But if you want to got loaded / Why don't you just order a shot? / Bar is open.

Doug: However, falling down the stairs is allowed!

Doug: Couglin's diet: cocktails and dreams.

Doug: The Luck is gone / the brain is shot / but the liquor we still got.

Uncle Pat: [On how to succeed in business] You outwork, outthink, outscheme and outmanuever. You make no friends. You trust nobody. And you make damn sure you're the smartest guy in the room whenever the subject of money comes up.

Brian: Not a goddamned thing any one of those professors says makes a difference on the street.
Doug: If you know that, you're ready to graduate.