[On Buffalo's biggest cookie]
Bruce Nolan: We have a new record! Cue the cheesy inspirational music!

Bruce Nolan: Behind every great man.. is a woman rolling her eyes

[Finishes up horrible live news story]
Bruce Nolan: Back to you, fuckers!

God: Allllllrighty then.

Grace: I've never seen the moon so big.
Bruce Nolan: We really shouldn't waste it.

Bruce Nolan: I can do it, Jack! I can be like Evan.
Jack: You don't want to be like Evan. Evan's an asshole.
Bruce Nolan: I can be an asshole.
Jack: No you can't.
[Bruce knocks over Jack's sandwich]
Jack: You going to get that?
Bruce Nolan: Yeah I'm sorry.

Grace: Debbie won the lottery.
Bruce Nolan: Really?
Grace: Yeah, well, she and about 400,000 other people so she only won 17 bucks.