Richard Vernon: What was that ruckus?!
Andrew Clark: Uh, what ruckus?
Richard Vernon: I was just in my office and heard a ruckus.
Brian Johnson: Could you describe the ruckus, sir.

Andrew Clark: [S]peak for yourself.
John Bender: Do you think I'd speak for you?! I don't even know your language.

Andrew Clark: This is the worst fake I.D. I've ever seen. You realize you made yourself sixty-eight.
Brian Johnson: Oh, I know, I know. I goofed it.
Andrew Clark: What do you need a fake I.D. for?
Brian Johnson: So I can vote!

John Bender: You get along with your parents?
Andrew Clark: Well, if I say "yes," I'm an idiot, right?
John Bender: You're an idiot anyway. But, if you say you get along with your parents, well, you're a liar too.

Allison Reynolds: My home-life is unsatisfying.
Brian Johnson: So, you're saying that you would subject yourself to the violent dangers of these Chicago streets, because "your home-life is unsatisfying"?

Brian Johnson: I'm a fu**ing idiot 'cause I can't make a lamp?
John Bender: No, you're a genius 'cause you can't make a lamp.
Brian Johnson: What do you know about trigonometry?
John Bender: I could care less about trigonometry.
Brian Johnson: Bender, did you know without trigonometry there would be no engineering?
John Bender: Without lamps there'd be no light.