Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.
- Bill Maher Quote

Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.
- Bill Maher Quote

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
- Bill Maher Quote

I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
- Bill Maher Quote

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
- Bill Maher Quote

Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'
- Bill Maher Quote

Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.
- Bill Maher Quote

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
- Bill Maher Quote

Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.
- Bill Maher Quote

Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence.
- Bill Maher Quote

Men are only as loyal as their options.
- Bill Maher Quote

President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all.
- Bill Maher Quote

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.
- Bill Maher Quote

The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'
- Bill Maher Quote

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.
- Bill Maher Quote

This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.
- Bill Maher Quote

To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.
- Bill Maher Quote

We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies.
- Bill Maher Quote

We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
- Bill Maher Quote

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.
- Bill Maher Quote

What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.
- Bill Maher Quote

Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the "will of the people" goes out the window.
- Bill Maher Quote

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
- Bill Maher Quote