A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.
- Bill Cosby Quote

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Gray hair is God's graffiti.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
- Bill Cosby Quote

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.
- Bill Cosby Quote

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
- Bill Cosby Quote

I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
- Bill Cosby Quote

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.
- Bill Cosby Quote

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.
- Bill Cosby Quote

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Old is always fifteen years from now.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.
- Bill Cosby Quote

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
- Bill Cosby Quote

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.
- Bill Cosby Quote

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
- Bill Cosby Quote

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.
- Bill Cosby Quote

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.
- Bill Cosby Quote

The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.
- Bill Cosby Quote

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.
- Bill Cosby Quote

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
- Bill Cosby Quote

When you become senile, you won't know it.
- Bill Cosby Quote

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.
- Bill Cosby Quote

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
- Bill Cosby Quote