The Joker: Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?

Eddie: I heard the Bat got him.
Nic: Gimme a break, a Bat?
Eddie: Yeah well there wasn't no blood in the body.
Nic: That's because it was all over the pavement.

Rotelli: What's with that stupid grin?
The Joker: Life's been good to me.

Batman: Let me tell you about this guy I know. Jack. Bad seed. Mean. Hurt people.
The Joker: I like him already.

Batman: You want to get nuts?! Come on! Lets get nuts!

[After revealling his latest "work", Alicia]
The Joker: Well, I'm no Picasso, but do you like it?

Joker: Antoine got a little hot on the collar.

The Joker: It's time to retire! Feel free to drop in!

The Joker: Hey you wouldn't hit a man with glasses, would you?
[Batman punches him]

The Joker: We have a flying mouse to kill, and I wanna clean my claws.

The Joker: They don't make 'em like they used to, hey Batsy!

The Joker: I've been dead once already; it's very liberating. You might think of it as... therapy.

The Joker: I have given a name to my pain, and it is Batman.

Joker: Hello, Benny. It's your uncle Bingo. Time to pay the check!

Vicki Vale: What do you want?
The Joker: Oh, little song, little dance, Batman's head on a lance...

Alfred Pennyworth: I have little desire to spend my few remaining years grieving for the loss of old friends. Or their sons.

Knox: You know what they say? They say he drinks blood. They say he can't be killed.
Eckhardt: And I say you're full of shit, Knox. Oh, and you can quote me on that one.

Jack Napier: Decent people shouldn't live here; they'd be happier someplace else.

Vicki Vale: You're insane!
Joker: I thought I was a Pisces!

The Joker: Where does he get those wonderful toys?

The Joker: [reciting his poem to Vicki] I'm only laughing on the outside / My smile is just skin deep / If you could see inside I'm really crying / You might join me for a weep.

The Joker: Bruce... Wayne, n'est-ce pas?
Bruce Wayne: Most of the time.

[Batman dangles a mugger over the side of a building.]
Mugger: Don't kill me, man - don't kill me!
Batman: I'm not going to kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me.
Mugger: Who are you?!
Batman: I'm Batman.

Vicki Vale: Mr. Joker, you make such beautiful things, ohh, your so powerful, and PURPLE ohh I love purple.
Batman: Excuse me.
[Joker looks]
Batman: Have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moon light?
[Punches him]
Batman: I'm going to kill you!
The Joker: You IDIOT! You made me. Remember, you dropped me into that bad of chemicals. That wasn't easy to get over, and don't think that I didn't try.
Batman: I know you did.
[Punches him]

The Joker: Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight?

The Joker: Never rub another man's rhubarb.

The Joker: Gotham City. Always brings a smile to my face.

[Jack Napier is confronted with Batman for the first time]
Jack Napier: Nice outfit!

[Joker gives someone a hand and electrocutes him]
Joker: Oh, I got a live one here!

Vicki Vale: I just gotta know, are we going to try to love each other?
Batman: I'd like to. But he's out there right now, and I've gotta go to work.

[The Joker sees a picture of Vicki Vale.]
Jack Napier: Stop the press, who is that?

Vicki Vale: Some people think you're as dangerous as the Joker.
Batman: He's psychotic.
Vicki Vale: Some people say the same about you.
Batman: What people?
Vicki Vale: Well, face it. You're not exactly normal, are you?
Batman: This isn't exactly a normal world, is it?

The Joker: Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But remember, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile.

Batman: You killed my parents.
The Joker: What? What? What are you talking about?
Batman: I made you, you made me first.
The Joker: Give me a break. I was a kid when I killed your parents. When I say "I made you" you gotta say "you made me." How childish can you get?

Batman: I'm going to kill you!
The Joker: You IDIOT! You made me. Remember, you dropped me into that vat of chemicals. That wasn't easy to get over, and don't think that I didn't try.

The Joker: And now, folks, it's time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is the Batman? HE'S AT HOME WASHING HIS TIGHTS!

Vicki Vale: What do you want?
The Joker: My face on the one dollar bill.
Vicki Vale: You must be joking.
The Joker: Do I look like I'm joking?

[Last lines.]
Alfred Pennyworth: I thought champagne would be in order, ma'am.
Vicki Vale: Hi, Alfred.
Alfred Pennyworth: Mr. Wayne told me to tell you that he might be a little late.
Vicki Vale: I'm not a bit surprised.

The Joker: New and improved Joker products! With a new secret ingredient: Smylex.

[Jack is primping in front of a mirror.]
Alicia: You look fine.
Jack Napier: I didn't ask.

[The Joker reveals himself for the first time.]
The Joker: Jack is dead, my friend. You can call me... Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier!

The Joker: My balloons. Those are my balloons. He stole my balloons! Why didn't anyone tell me he had one of those... things? Bob, gun.
[Bob hands him a gun, Joker shoots him]

The Joker: Joker here. Now you fellas have said some pretty mean things. Some of which where true, of the theif, Boss Grisholm. He was a theif, and a terrorist. One the other hand he had a tremendous singing voice. He's dead now. He's left me in charge. Now, I can't be theatrical, and maybe even a little rough, but one thing I am not, is a KILLER.

[The Batwing is flying at Joker]
The Joker: Ah, come on you gruesome, son of a bitch! Come to me. Ha ha, come on!

The Joker: Darling, I've got to get you to the church on time.

The Joker: "Batman? Batman? Would someone please tell me what kind of a world we live in where a man dressed as a bat gets all of my press? This town needs an enema!"

The Joker: What kinda of a world is this where a man dressed as a bat gets ALL MY PUBLICITY?! This town needs an enema!

Commissioner Jim Gordon: This is Commissioner Gordon! I want him taken alive! I repeat: Any man who opens fire on Jack Napier will answer to me!

[The Joker reads the newspaper.]
The Joker: "Winged freak terrorizes"? Wait'll they get a load of ME!

The Joker: Who's this loss?
Bob the Goon: This is Knox, the reporter.
The Joker: Bad tie.

The Joker: You set me up over a woman, a WOMAN! You must be insane...

Batman: You weighed a little more than a hundred and eight.
Vicki Vale: Oh really!
Batman: Let's go.

Vicki Vale: I'm reading your stuff.
Alexander Knox: Well, I'm reading yours.
Vicki Vale: Hi! I'm Vicki Vale.

Jack Napier: Well, gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissom resurfaces, I'm the acting President, and I saw "we run the city into the ground."

Joker: I'm the world's first homicidal artist. I make art until someone dies.

Jack Napier: Hey Eckhardt, think about the future!
[Shoots him]

Joker: At midnight, I will dump twenty million in cash on the crowd. Don't worry about me, I have enough.

Joker: Here we are, the perfect pair...Beauty and the Beast. Mind you, if anybody calls you beast, I'll rip their lungs out.

Alexander Knox: Why don't they call him Bruce Vain?

Mugger: I'm tellin'you man, the Giant Bat!

The Joker: Shall we dance?

The Joker: Sometimes I just kill myself!

Batman: See that thing on my belt? Grab it! Whatever you do, don't let go.