Flounder: You guys playing cards?

Katy: Boon, I think I'm in love with a retard.
Boon: Is he bigger than me?

[Watching Flounder take abuse at ROTC.]
Otter: He can't do that do that to our pledges.
Boon: Only we can do that to our pledges.

Pinto: I was thinking, maybe we could get some beer.
Clorette De Pasto: Nah, not tonight. Besides, you might get lucky without it.

Dean Vernon Wormer: Well, well, well. Looks like somebody forgot there's a rule against alcoholic beverages in fraternities on probation!
Otter: What a tool.
Dean Vernon Wormer: I didn't get that, son, what was that?
Otter: Uh, I said, "What a shame that a few bad apples have to spoil a good time for everyone by breaking the rules."
Dean Vernon Wormer: Put a sock in it, boy, or else you'll be outta here like shit through a goose.

Clorette De Pasto: Dad! Mom, Dad, this is Larry Kroger. The boy who molested me last month? We have to get married.

Otter: Point of parliamentary procedure!
Hoover: Don't screw around, they're serious this time!
Otter: Take it easy, I'm pre-law.
Boon: I thought you were pre-med.
Otter: What's the difference?
[Addressing the room]
Otter: Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests - we did.
[winks at Dean Wormer]
Otter: But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg - isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!
[Leads the Deltas out of the hearing, all humming the Star-Spangled Banner.]

Otter: Mandy, Mandy Pepperidge. I haven't seen you since we --
Mandy Pepperidge: Go away!
Otter: I'm sorry, I can only stay a minute. Can I buy you some lunch? Oh, you got your lunch. Well, how about some milk? Got your milk too. Can I just massage your thighs while you eat?
Mandy Pepperidge: Do I have to leave?
Otter: Is this any way to treat an intimate friend?

Boon: I want you to fix Pinto up, but it's got to be a very special girl.
Pinto: Look, you don't have to...
Boon: Now, she should be good-looking, but we're willing to trade looks for a certain... morally casual attitude.
Katy: You mean you want someone who'll screw on the first date.
Boon: Well put. You see, Pinto's never been laid.
Pinto: Hey!
Boon: What'd I say?

[After Delta house is closed.]
Doug Neidermeyer: How does it feel to be an independent, Schoenstein?
Boon: How does it feel to be an asshole, Neidermeyer?

[Flounder has just fired a blank cartridge near Neidermeyer's horse, and the horse has dropped dead.]
Bluto: Holy shit!
D-Day: There were blanks in that gun!
Flounder: I didn't even point the gun at him!
Bluto: Holy shit!
[D-Day checks the gun.]
D-Day: There WERE blanks in that gun!
Flounder: Maybe he had a heart attack.
Bluto: Holy shit!

Flounder: I can't believe I threw up in front of Dean Wormer.
Boon: Face it, Kent. You threw up ON Dean Wormer.

Boon: Where are you going? We just got here.
Katy: No, Boon, you just got here. I've been downstairs for an hour entertaining some kid from Pig's Knuckle, Arkansas.
Boon: Umm - maybe we could drive up to your folks' place this weekend.
Katy: Oh, fabulous. My car filled with your beer buddies going up to empty my parents' liquor cabinet. It's too depressing to think about.
Boon: No! Just gonna be you and me. And Otter and another girl.
Katy: Is this really what you're gonna do for the rest of your life?
Boon: What do you mean?
Katy: I mean hanging around with a bunch of animals getting drunk every weekend.
Boon: No! After I graduate, I'm gonna get drunk every night.

Katy: I think I'm in love with a retard.
Boon: Is he bigger than me?

Otter: Flounder, you can't spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes! You fucked up -- you trusted us! Hey, make the best of it!

Bluto: [thrusting six-pack into Flounder's hands] My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Otter: Better listen to him, Flounder, he's in pre-med.

Boon: It's not gonna be an orgy! It's a toga party.
Katy: Honestly, Boon, you're twenty-one years old. In six months you're going to graduate, and tomorrow night you're going to wrap yourself in a bed sheet and pour grain alcohol all over your head. It's cute, but I think I'll pass this time.
Boon: Want me to go alone?
Katy: Baby, I don't want you to go at all.
Boon: It's a *fraternity* party, I'm in the fraternity. How can I miss it?
Katy: I'll write you a note. I'll say you're too well to attend.

D-Day: Hey, quit your blubberin'. When I get through with this baby you won't even recognize it.
Otter: Flounder, you can't spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes! You fucked up -- you trusted us! Hey, make the best of it! Maybe we can help.
Flounder: [crying] That's easy for you to say! What am I going to tell Fred?
Otter: I'll tell you what. We'll tell Fred you were doing a great job taking care of his car, but you parked it out back last night and in the morning, it was gone. We report it to the police, D-Day takes care of the wreck, the insurance company buys your brother a new car.
Flounder: Will that work?
Otter: Hey, it's gotta work better than the truth.
Bluto: [thrusting six-pack into Flounder's hands] My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Otter: Better listen to him, Flounder, he's in pre-med.
D-Day: [firing up blow-torch] There you go now, just leave everything to me.

Hoover: Kent is a legacy, Otter. His brother was a '59, Fred Dorfman.
Flounder: He said legacies usually get asked to pledge automatically.
Otter: Oh, well, usually. Unless the pledge in question turns out to be a real closet-case.
Otter, Boon: Like Fred.

D-Day: We have an old saying in Delta House: don't get mad, get even.

Jennings: Teaching is just a way to pay the bills until I finish my novel.
Boon: How long you been workin' on it?
Jennings: Four and a half years.
Pinto: It must be very good.
Jennings: It's a piece of shit. Would anyone like to smoke some pot?

Neidermeyer: You're all worthless and weak! Now drop and give me twenty!

Mayor Carmine De Pasto: If you mention extortion again, I'll have your legs broken.

Chip: Thank you, sir! Please, may I have another?

Marion Wormer: You can take your thumb out of my ass any time now, Carmine.

Dean Vernon Wormer: Put Neidermeyer on it. He's a sneaky little shit just like you.

Hoover: Will you tell those assholes to shut up?
Boon: Hey! Shut up you assholes!

Babs: [Meeting Larry and Kent for the first time] A wimp and a blimp!

Dean Vernon Wormer: I hate those guys.

D-Day: Ramming speed!