Mugatu: They're break-dance fighting.

Derek Zoolander: I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.

Larry Zoolander: Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film and television actor.

Derek Zoolander: Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

Derek Zoolander: Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?

Billy Zane: It's a walk-off!

Maury Ballstein: I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.

Matilda: When I was in 7th grade, I was... the fat kid in my class.
Derek Zoolander: Ew!

Derek Zoolander: Well, I guess it started during my first year of the second grade, when I was eating lunch and caught my reflection in a spoon, and I thought to myself, 'Hey, Derek, you're ridiculously good looking! And I thought maybe I could do that for a career.
Matilda: Do what for a career?
Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good looking.

Hansel: The files are *in* the computer?

Mugatu: I feel like I've been taking crazy pills!

Matilda: I became...
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?

Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda: Honestly?
Hansel: Yes.
Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?

Hansel: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine.
Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

[After he pokes a girl with a pin]
Mugatu: Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building now!

[After spitting out and spilling some bad coffee all over his assistant]
Mugatu: Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte!?

Protestor: Mugatu! Screw you and your little dog too!

[After throwing Matilda into the street from Mugatu's spa]
Katinka: I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit...stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander!

Katinka: I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense, not one little bit.

Hansel: Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?

Hansel: Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude!

Derek Zoolander: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman".

VH1 Reporter: Derek, are you worried about Hansel?
Derek Zoolander: Uhh, not as much as I'm worried about Gretel.

Larry Zoolander: I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid.
Derek Zoolander: Mer-man! *cough* Mer-man!

[Unveiling a building model]
Mugatu: I give you, "The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good."
[Derek looks at the model for a moment, then throws it on the floor]
Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants?! How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?