[Miss Teschmacher is posing as the victim of a car wreck.]
Sergeant: She's having trouble breathing sir. What do you suggest?
Major: Um, I suggest a vigorous chest massage, and if that doesn't work, uh,
Sergeant: [enthusiastically] Yes, sir!
[Bends to the task. The Major pulls him to his feet.]
Major: Sergeant, I wouldn't have one of my men do something I wouldn't be
prepared to do myself.
Sergeant: [disappointed] Yeah, but sir!
[Superman breaks down Lex Luthor's door.]
Lex Luthor: It's open, come in. My attorney will be in touch with you about the
damage to the door. Otis, take the gentleman's cape, would you?
Superman: Is that how a warped brain like yours gets its kicks? By planning the
deaths of innocent people?
Lex Luthor: No, by causing the deaths of innocent people.
Warden: This country is safe again, Superman, thanks to you!
Superman: No sir. Don't thank me, Warden. We're all part of the same team. Good
[Watching Otis approaching the hideout]
Lex Luthor: It's amazing that brain can generate enough power to keep those legs
Lex Luthor: Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a
simple adventure story. Others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper
and unlock the secrets of the universe.
Lex Luthor: Miss Teschmacher, when I was six years old my father said to me--
Miss Teschmacher: "Get out."
Lex Luthor: Ha ha. Before that. He said, "Son, stocks may rise and fall,
utilities and transportation systems may collapse. People are no damn good, but
they will always need land and they will pay through the nose to get it!
Remember," my father said...
Lex Luthor: Right.
Superman: I'm here to fight for truth, justice, and the American way.
Lois Lane: You're gonna end up fighting every elected official in this country!
[Superman appears in Luthor's office.]
Lex Luthor: Otis, take the gentleman's cape.
Otis: I don't think he wants me to, Mr. Luthor.
General Zod: Join us. You have been known to disagree with the Council before.
Yours could become an important voice in the new order, second only to my own! I
offer you a chance for greatness, Jor-El, take it! Join us! ...You will bow down
before me, Jor-El. I swear it, no matter that it takes an eternity! You will bow
down before me! Both you and then one day your heirs!
The Pimp: Say Jim! That's a bad outfit.
Lois Lane: Would you like a glass of wine?
Clark Kent: No thanks. I never drink when I fly.
[Lex stands on a ladder searching for a book.]
Lex Luthor: n...n...n...
Otis: M! You want M Mistor Luthor?
[Otis moves that ladder Lex stands on, leaving Lex hanging on a shelf.]
Lex Luthor: M as in moron Otis? No N as in nincompoop, numbskull, nitwit. And L
as in ladder!
Jor-el: [voice-over] For this reason and this reason alone, their capacity for
good, I give them you, my only son.
Lex Luthor: You were great in your day Superman, but it only stands to reason.
When it came time to cash in your chips, this old "diseased" mind
would be your banker.
[About Clark Kent]
Perry White: Not only does he have a snappy, punchy prose style, not only does
he treat his editor-in-chief with respect, but he is, in my forty years of
experience, *the* fastest typist I have ever encountered.
Lois Lane: How big are you.. um... how *tall* are you?
Lois Lane: Any more like you at home?
Clark Kent: No, not really.
Lex Luthor: This is Lex Luthor. Only one thing alive with less than four legs
can hear this frequency, Superman, and that's you.
Lex Luthor: It's kryptonite, Superman. A little souvenir from the old home town.
I spared no expense in making you feel right at home.
[Miss Teschmacher suggests Superman may be a hoax; Lex Luthor disagrees.]
Miss Teschmacher: And why not?
Lex Luthor: Because if any human being were going to perpetrate such a fantastic
hoax, it would've been me!
[After he's described his plan to trap Superman.]
Lex Luthor: Doesn't it give you a... shudder... of electricity through you to be
in the same room with me?
[Pointing to a map of California and the San Andreas fault.]
Lex Luthor: Everything west of this line is the richest, most expensive real
estate in the world: San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco. Everything on THIS
side of the line is just hundreds and hundreds of miles of worthless desert
land, which just so happens to be owned by...
[whaps Otis with his pointer]
Otis: Uhhh... Lex Luthor Incorporated.
Lex Luthor: Now, call me foolish, call me irresponsible, but it occurs to me
that a 500 megaton bomb planted at just the proper point would, uh...
Superman: Would destroy most of California. Millions of innocent people would be
killed. And the west coast as we know it would---
Lex Luthor: Fall into the sea.
[With a little wave]
Lex Luthor: Bye bye California. Hello new west coast. My west coast.
[overlays map with new map]
Lex Luthor: Costa Del Lex. Luthorville. Marina del Lex. Otisburg-- "Otisburg"?
Otis: Miss Tessmacher said. She has her own little place.
Lex Luthor: "Otisburg"?
Otis: It's a little bitty place!
Lex Luthor: [angrily] "Otisburg"?
Otis: Alright, I'll wipe it off, that's all.
Lex Luthor: We all have our little faults. Mine's in California.
Young Clark Kent: All those things I can do. All those powers. And I couldn't
even save him.
Clark Kent: Mr. White, I was wondering if you could arrange for half my salary
to be sent to this address on a weekly basis.
Lois Lane: Your bookie, right?
Clark Kent: My what?
Lois Lane: Don't tell me: he sends a check every week to his sweet, grey-haired
Clark Kent: Actually, she's silver-haired.
Clark Kent: Really, Lois, supposing that man had shot you? Is it worth risking
your life over ten dollars, two credit cards, a hairbrush, and a lipstick?
Lois Lane: How did you know that?
Clark Kent: Know what?
Lois Lane: You just described the exact contents of my purse.
Clark Kent: Hmm. Lucky guess.
Superman: Easy, miss. I've got you.
Lois Lane: You've got me? Who's got you?
[Superman gets a cat out of a tree.]
Superman: Here you go, miss.
Little girl: Gee, thanks, mister.
Superman: Well, so long, Frisky. Good night, miss.
Little girl: Good night.
Little girl: Mommy! Mommy! Frisky was caught in a tree! This man swooped down
out of the sky and gave him to me!
Mommy: Haven't I told you to stop telling lies?
Perry White: Now look. The Post: "It Flies." The News: "Look, Ma,
No Wires." The Times: "Blue Bomb Buzzes Metropolis." The Planet.
I want the name of this flying whatchamacallit to go with the Daily Planet like
bacon and eggs, franks and beans, death and taxes, politics and corruption.
[Superman and Lois are standing on opposite sides of a large planter.]
Lois Lane: What color underwear am I wearing?
Superman: [looking] Hmmm...
Lois Lane: Oh, gee, I embarrassed you, didn't I?
Superman: Oh, no, no, not at all, it's just that this planter must be made of
Lois Lane: Yeah, it is. So?
Superman: Well, I sort of have a problem seeing through lead.
Lois Lane: Oh, that's interesting.
Lois Lane: Problem seeing through lead. Do you have a first name?
Superman: You mean, like, Ralph or something?
Lois Lane: [walks away from the planter] No, I mean like -
Lois Lane: Hm?
[Lois walks back to the planter.]
Superman: Sorry, Miss Lane, I didn't mean to embarrass *you*.
Jor-el: This is no fantasy!
Lex Luthor: [to Otis] Do you know why the number two hundred is so vitally
descriptive of both you and me? It's your weight and my I.Q.