Elle: And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of
buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink
was seriously disturbed.
Professor Callahan: Do you think she woke up one morning and said: I think
I'll go to law school today.
Warner Huntington III: You got into Harvard Law?
Elle: What? Like, it's hard?
Manicurist: Is she as pretty as you?
Elle: She could use some mascara and some serious highlights, but otherwise,
she's not completely unfortunate looking.
Elle: Because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel
Air, Warner! Across the street from Aaron Spelling. I think most people would
agree that's a lot better than some stinky old Vanderbilt!
Paulette: Because men are just big fat retards.
Elle: You're breaking up with me because I'm too... blonde!
Paulette: So what's a girl to do? He's a guy who followed his pecker to greener
pastures. I'm a middle aged, high school drop out with stretch marks and a fat
Elle: This is what I need to become!
Old Lady at Manicurist: What? Practically deformed?
Elle: No, a law student!
Enrique Salvatore: Don't stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey.
Elle: They're last season?
Elle: GASP! He's gay!
Professor Stromwell: If you are going to let one prick get in your way, you're
not the girl I thought you were!
Professor Callahan: Let the blood bath begin.
Elle: The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have
Elle: Brooke exercised. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you
happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands.
Vivian: Nice costume.
Elle: You too. Except that when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try to look a
little less constipated.
Elle: Hi! I'm Elle Woods and this is Bruiser Woods. We're both Gemini
Boutique Saleswoman: There's nothing I love better than a dumb blonde with
Daddy's credit card.
Elle: I'm studying the LSAT's
Serena: My cousin had that once. It makes you really bad down there.
Elle: I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: Well then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your
C.U.L.A. Advisor: And a heck of an admissions essay.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: And at least a 175 on your LSATs.
Elle: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me,
I can handle anything.
Elle's Mother: Honey, you were First Runner-Up at the "Miss Hawaiian
Tropics" contest. Why are you going to throw that all away?
Elle: Going to Harvard is the only way I'm going to get the love of my life
Elle's Father: Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for
people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those
Brooke Taylor Windham: A Delta Nu would never sleep with a man in a thong, I
just like to watch him change the filter.
Warner Huntington III: If I want to be elected Senator by the time I'm 30, I
need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.
Elle: Did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head!
Paulette: Yeah, which must be a nice vacation for his balls.
Elle: I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life.
[someone whistles at her]
Elle: I object!
Emmett: Did you just call me a butthead?
Elle: Excuse me.
[turns around and slaps David]
Elle: Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together and I haven't
heard from you since!
David: [pause] I'm sorry?
Elle: Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest
pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away?
Elle: Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you!
Girl: [after Elle has walked off] So, when did you wanna go out?
Elle: Uh. I'm sorry. I just hallucinated.
Elle: Oh Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the
hot tub together after winter formal?
Warner Huntington III: Uhh, ye...no
Elle: Well this is so much better than that. Excuse me, I have some shopping to
Warner Huntington III: Pooh bear, just get in the car.
[starts walking away, sniffling]
Warner Huntington III: You're gonna ruin your shoes.
[gets in car]
Elle: Bend and snap!
[Elle is presiding at her sorority meeting]
Elle: It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our
toilet paper from Charmin...to generic. All those opposed to chafing, please say
Entire Sorority Group: Aye!
Warner Huntington III: How was your first class?
Elle: Oh, it was okay, except for this horrible preppy girl who tried to make me
look bad in front of the professor, but no biggie!
Emmett: Did you take Mrs. Windham on a date?
Enrique Salvatore: Yes.
Enrique Salvatore: A restaurant out of town, where no one would see us.
Emmett: How long have you been sleeping with Brooke?
Enrique Salvatore: Three months.
Emmett: And your boyfriend's name is...
Enrique Salvatore: Chuck.
Enrique Salvatore: No, I'm sorry. I thought you said friend; Chuck is just a
Chuck: YOU BITCH!
Elle: Hi I'm Elle Woods (picks up her tiny Chihuahua dog) and this is Bruiser