Jimmy Fallon Quotes

“When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.”

“A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads "Convicted Shoplifter." However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading "I'd Rather Be Stealing!"”

“Hey baby, do you like fine cooking? Cause you know what? I got Swanson's Dinner in the freezer with your name on it."”

“New Scientist magazine reported that in the future, cars could be powered by hazelnuts. That's encouraging, considering an eight-ounce jar of hazelnuts costs about nine dollars. Yeah, I've got an idea for a car that runs on bald eagle heads and Faberge eggs.”

“Researches tested a new form of medical marijuana that treats pain but doesn't get the user high, prompting patients who need medical marijuana to declare, "Thank you?"”