Chuckie: Morgan, I'm not going to Kelly's just because you like the take out
girl. It's fifteen minutes out of our way.
Morgan: What the fuck are we gonna do that we can't spare fifteen minutes.
Will: Do you find it hard to hide the fact that you're gay?
Henry Lipkin, Psychologist: [Stammers] What are... talking...about...What?!?
Will: Look buddy, a few seconds ago you were ready to give me a jump!
Henry Lipkin, Psychologist: A jump?!? I...I'm terribly sorry...I....
Will: Hey, I don't have a problem with it. I don't care if you putt from the
Sean: My wife used to fart when she was nervous
Henry Lipkin, Psychologist: Now no more shenanigans, no more tomfoolery, no more
Will: I'm pumped! Let the healing begin!
Will: What's with everyone saying that I owe it to myself?
Chuckie: No.. fuck you, you don't owe it to yourself man, you owe it to me cause
tomorrow I'll wake up and I'll be 50 and still be doing this shit, and that's
alright but you on the other hand, you have something none of us have cause
hanging around here is just a fucking waste of your time cause I'd do anything
to have what you got, so will the rest of these fucking guys and it will be an
insult to watch if you're still here in 20 years!!
Sean: Do you have a soul mate?
Will: Define that?
Sean: Someone you can relate to, someone who opens things up for you.
Will: Yeah, Chuckie
Sean: Chuckie's family would lie down in fucking traffic for you.
Will: What is this, a Taster's Choice moment between guys??
Sean: I knew you long before you ever became a mathematical god, I knew you when
you were pimple faced and homesick and didn't know what side of the bed to piss
Lambeau: Yeah, yeah, you were smarter then me then and you're smarter then me
Morgan: Double Burger,
Morgan: Chuck, I had a double burger!!!
Chuckie: Will you shut the fuck up, I know what you ordered, I was there
Morgan: So give me my fucking sandwich.
Chuckie: What do you mean your sandwich, I bought it, hey Morgan how much money
you got on you?
Morgan: I said I'd give you the change when we ordered the Sno-Cones when we
pulled up, so why don't you give me my sandwich and stop being a prick.
Chuckie: Well why don't you give me your fucking sixteen cents you got on you
and we'll put your sandwich on layaway, there you go, keep it right up here for
you, We'll put you on a program, everyday you bring your six cents and at the
end of the week you'll have your sandwich
Morgan: Why do you have to be such an asshole??
Chuckie: What am I?, sandwich welfare???, I think you should establish a good
line of credit, like how you got your couch, payment plans, remember how your
mother brought in $10 for a year and she finally got her couch Renaissance
Morgan: Can I have my food now please??
Chuckie: [throws the burger at Morgan] Here's your fucking double burger!!!
Sean: [to Prof. Lambeau] It's not about that, you mathematical dick! It's about
the boy! I'm not gonna let you fuck up his life like your trying to fuck up
Skylar: I know what you're think about.
Will: What am I thinking about?
Skylar: You're hoping to get a good night kiss.
Will: Actually I was hoping more for a good night lay.
Skylar: [Laughs] That's very noble of you.
Sean: Do you have a soul mate?
Will: Define that.
Sean: Someone you can relate to, someone who opens things up for you.
Will: Sure, I got plenty.
Sean: Well, name them.
Will: Shakespeare, Nietzsche, Frost, O'Conner...
Sean: Well that's great. They're all dead.
Will: Not to me, they're not.
Sean: You can't have a lot of dialogue with them.
Will: Not without a heater and some serious smelling salts.
Will: I read your book last night.
Sean: So you're the one.
Skylar: My father died when I was thirteen and I inherited this money. Did you
ever think that everyday I wake up, that I wish I could give it back, that I
would give it back in a second, if it meant I could have one more day with him?
But I can't. And that's my life and I deal with it.
Skylar: What if I said I wouldn't have sex with you again till I got to meet
your friends, what would you say?
Will: It's four-thirty, they're probably still awake.
Sean: Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love
Chuckie: I didn't get on Cathy last night.
Will: Why not?
Chuckie: I don't know.
[yells across room]
Chuckie: Why didn't you give me none of that nasty little hoochie-woochie you
usually throw at me?
Cathy: Oh, fuck you and your Irish curse, Chuckie. Like I'd waste my energy
spreading my legs for that Tootsie Roll dick? So go home and give it a tug
Will: Do you like apples?
Will: Well, I got her number. How do you like them apples?
Billy: You're legally allowed to drink now so we figured the best thing for you
was a car.
Morgan: My boy's wicked smart.
Sean: My father was an alcoholic. Mean fuckin' drunk. He'd come home hammered,
lookin' to whale on somebody. So, I had to provoke him so he wouldn't go after
my mother and little brother. Interesting nights were when he wore his rings.
Sean: Twenty years of counseling. Yeah, I've seen some pretty awful shit.
Chuckie: Look, you're my best friend, so don't take this the wrong way. In
twenty years, if you're still livin' here, comin' over to my house to watch the
Patriots games, still workin' construction, I'll fuckin' kill you. That's not a
threat. Now, that's a fact. I'll fuckin' kill you.
Sean: So what do you really want to do?
Will: I wanna be a shepherd.
Will: I wanna move up to Nashua, get a nice little spread, get some sheep and
tend to them.
Sean: Maybe you should go do that.
Skylar: I can be in the NBA. I'm tall, I like to wear shorts. I'm all about
three points. Hook! Hook!
Sean: If you ever disrespect my wife again, I will end you. I will fucking end
you. You got that, chief?
Will: Time's up.
Sean: Nail them while they're vulnerable, that's my motto.
Sean: See you Monday. We'll be talking about Freud and why he did enough cocaine
to kill a small horse.
Skylar: You were hoping for a goodnight kiss.
Will: No, you know. I'll tell ya, I was hoping for a goodnight lay, but I'll
settle for like a kiss.
Skylar: How very noble of you.
Will: Thank you.
Chuckie: So this is a Harvard bar, huh? I thought there'd be equations and shit
on the wall.
Morgan: Man, I can't believe you brought Skylar here when we're all drunk. What
is she gonna think about us?
Will: Yeah, Morgan, it's a real rarity that we'd be out drinking.
Sean: My dad used to make us walk down to the park and collect the sticks he was
going to beat us with. Actually the worst of the beatings were between me and my
brother. We would practice on each other, trying to find sticks that would
Will: He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the kitchen table and
Sean: Gotta go with the belt, there.
Will: I used to go with the wrench.
Sean: The wrench, why?
Will: 'Cause fuck him, that's why.
Skylar: Maybe we could go out for coffee sometime?
Will: Great, or maybe we could go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels.
Will: When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee.
Skylar: [laughs] Okay, sounds good.
Skylar: Men are shameless. If you're not thinking with your weiner then you're
acting directly on its behalf.
Will: Do you buy all these books retail or do you send away for, like, a shrink
kit that comes with all these volumes included?
Chuckie: You're sitting on a winning lottery ticket and you're too big of a
pussy to cash it in.
Sean: The reason he hangs around with those "gorillas," as you called
them, is because anyone of those "gorillas" would take a baseball bat
to your head anyday. It's called loyalty.
Sean: If you're gonna jerk off, why don't you just do it at home with a moist
Will: Do you play the piano?
Skylar: A bit.
Will: Okay, when you look at a piano you see Mozart, right?
Skylar: I see "Chopsticks."
Will: Does this violate the doctor-patient relationship?
Sean: Not unless you grab my ass.
Will: You wasted $150,000 on an education you coulda got for a buck fifty in
late charges at the public library.
Lambeau: Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep
at night not knowing there was someone like you out there.
Will: Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it
a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something
nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real
happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the
location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have
that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen
hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are
sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't
give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't
them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the
National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And
he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the
country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got
his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks.
Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was
so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of
course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could
turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping
my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time
bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic
skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it
ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in
the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so
he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his
ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every
time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin'
is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out
for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to
his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the
hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.
Sean: She is not perfect. You are not perfect. The question is whether or not
you are perfect for each other.
Chuckie: Wait, Bill. Hold it. Did you hear that?
[Man moans upstairs]
Chuckie: Morgan! If you're watching pornos in my mom's room again, I'm gonna
give you a fucking beating!!
[Morgan runs downstairs]
Morgan: What's up fellas?
Billy: Morgan, why don't you jerk off in your own fucking house. Man, that's
Morgan: I ain't got a VCR in my house.
Chuckie: Aw, c'mon, not on my glove.
Morgan: I didn't use the glove.
Chuckie: That's my Little League glove.
Morgan: What do you want me to do?
Chuckie: I mean, what's wrong with you? You'll hump a baseball glove?
Morgan: I was just using it for clean-up.
Chuckie: Stop jerking off in my mother's room!
Morgan: Ain't there another VCR in the house?!
Chuckie: It's just sad bro.
Sean: Thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. Stayed
up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me... fell into a
deep peaceful sleep, and haven't thought about you since. Do you know what
occurred to me?
Sean: You're just a kid, you don't have the faintest idea what you're talkin'
Will: Why thank you.
Sean: It's all right. You've never been out of Boston.
Sean: So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every
art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work,
political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works,
right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel.
You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen
that. If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your
personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell
me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a
tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me,
right, "once more unto the breach dear friends." But you've never been
near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp
his last breath looking to you for help. I'd ask you about love, you'd probably
quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally
vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God
put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of
hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love
for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't
know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her
hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms "visiting
hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only
occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt
you've ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you... I don't see an
intelligent, confident man... I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you're a
genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of
you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of
mine, and you ripped my fucking life apart. You're an orphan right?
Sean: You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how
you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you?
Personally... I don't give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can't
learn anything from you, I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you want to
talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to
do that do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.
Sean: That's French for "club soda."