A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
- Fred Allen Quote

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
- Fred Allen Quote

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
- Fred Allen Quote

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
- Fred Allen Quote

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
- Fred Allen Quote

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
- Fred Allen Quote

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
- Fred Allen Quote

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for a star.
- Fred Allen Quote

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.
- Fred Allen Quote

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
- Fred Allen Quote

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
- Fred Allen Quote

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.
- Fred Allen Quote

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
- Fred Allen Quote

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.
- Fred Allen Quote

I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy.
- Fred Allen Quote

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
- Fred Allen Quote

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
- Fred Allen Quote

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
- Fred Allen Quote

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
- Fred Allen Quote

Television is the triumph of machine over people.
- Fred Allen Quote

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.
- Fred Allen Quote

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
- Fred Allen Quote

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
- Fred Allen Quote

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
- Fred Allen Quote