Jenny Summers: I remember you used to drive that crappy blue Chevy Nova.
Axel Foley: [laughs with her]
Jenny Summers: So what are you driving now?
Axel Foley: Same crappy blue Chevy Nova.
Axel Foley: Gimme the keys! I'm gonna follow them!
Jenny Summers: Have you ever driven a Mercedes before?
Axel Foley: No, but a car is a car! I drive my car every day!
Jenny Summers: I'm driving. I've seen your car.
Axel Foley: Oh shit, that's cold.
Bonded Warehouse Clerk #1: Have you got some kind of warrant for this?
Axel Foley: You know, you have a very big mouth, sir! Are you hiding something
from me? Is that it? I bet you that is your Porsche that's parked front, isn't
it? How would you like me to have the IRS come down here and crawl up your ass
with a fucking microscope? They'll do it! I've seen them do it! It's not a
pretty sight! I want you to know something, pal! I want ALL of y'all to know
something! I can have twenty five agents down here in fifteen minutes to march
in here, snatch your bonds out from underneath you and you'd be out of business,
PERMANENTLY, if I don't start getting some cooperation! Is that understood?
Bonded Warehouse Night Supervisor: Don't get upset, Inspector! We'll give you
anything you need! Right, guys?
Bonded Warehouse Security Guard: Anything you need!
Bonded Warehouse Clerk #1: No sir, that's not my Porsche! I don't know who it
Sergeant Taggart: We're more likely to believe him than some foul-mouthed
jerk from out of town.
Axel Foley: "Foul-mouthed"? Fuck you!
Axel Foley: Don't you think I realize what's going on here, miss? Who do you
think I am, huh? Don't you think I know that if I was some hotshot from out of
town that pulled inside here and you guys made a reservation mistake, I'd be the
first one to get a room and I'd be upstairs relaxing right now. But I'm not some
hotshot from out of town, I'm a small reporter from "Rolling Stone"
magazine that's in town to do an exclusive interview with Michael Jackson that's
gonna be picked up by every major magazine in the country. I was gonna call the
article "Michael Jackson Is Sitting On Top of the World," but now I
think I might as well just call it "Michael Jackson Can Sit On Top of the
World Just As Long As He Doesn't Sit in the Beverly Palm Hotel 'Cause There's No
Niggers Allowed in There!"
Axel Foley: Tell Victor that Ramon---the fella he met about a week ago?---tell
him that Ramon went to the clinic today, and I found out that I have, um, herpes
simplex 10, and I think Victor should go check himself out with his physician to
make sure everything is fine before things start falling off on the man.
Axel Foley: Disturbing the peace?! I got thrown out of a window! What's the
fuckin' charge for getting pushed out of a moving car, huh? Jaywalking?!
Police Chief Hubbard: What's this man doing here?
Axel Foley: Bleeding, sir.
Axel Foley: If something happens to her...
Victor Maitland: Hmmm...? I'm all ears.
Axel Foley: I'll kill you.
Victor Maitland: Really? That would be a neat trick.
Detective Rosewood: Wow. You know, it says here that by the time the average
American is fifty, he has five pounds of undigested red meat in his bowels.
Sergeant Taggart: Why are you telling me this? What makes you think I have any
interest in that at all?
Detective Rosewood: Well, you eat a lot of red meat.
Police Chief Hubbard: Is this the man who ruined the buffet at the Harrow club
Lieutenant Bogomil: Yes, sir.
Police Chief Hubbard: I just bet that you are the pride of your department in
Detroit. Lieutenant, I'd like to see you in your office.
Lieutenant Bogomil: Yes, sir.
Axel Foley: [Mocking Hubbard] Is this the man who wrecked the buffet at the
Harrow club this morning?
Sergeant Taggart: Lower your voice, for Christ's sake!
Axel Foley: What, can the guy here me through the wall?
Sergeant Taggart: Yes, he can.
Axel Foley: What are you all, the second team?
Detective McCabe: We're the first team.
Detective Foster: Yeah, and we're not going to fall for a banana in the
Axel Foley: [Mocking him] You're not going to fall for the banana in the
tailpipe? It should be more natural, brother. It shouldflow out, like this -
"Look, man, I ain't fallin' for no banana in my tailpipe!" See, that's
more natural for us. You been hanging out with this dude too long.
Axel Foley: Hey Jenny, don't worry about me. We got coffee and cocaine here.
We're gonna get wired and have a big party.
Jeffery: Todd is looking for you. He is really pissed. You know what he said? He
said this is your worst fuck up ever. Personally, I don't think that's true.
Axel Foley: The chief didn't chew it all off, you still got a little ass left.
Axel Foley: Before I go, I just want to say one thing. The supercop story... was
working. And you guys just messed it up. I'm still trying to figure you guys
out, but I haven't yet. But it's cool, though. You just fuck up a perfectly good
Axel Foley: You believe that? What the fuck are you, cops or doormen?
Axel Foley: I ain't never been in no cell that had a phone in it. Can I stay for
a while? I ordered some pizza.
Axel Foley: This is the cleanest and nicest police car I've ever been in my
life. This thing is nicer than my apartment.
Axel Foley: Billy, you don't have to be embarrassed if your dick gets hard.
That's the whole object of this. Taggart's dick is hard but he won't let you
know 'cause he's the boss. Boss' dick got to stay limp, right? See, I ain't on
duty so my dick can be hard.
Detective Rosewood: All they told me to do was to drive you out of town. Now I'm
gonna screw that up, too.
Axel Foley: Is this your car?
Jenny Summers: Oh, no. In Beverly Hills we just take whichever car is closest.
Axel Foley: You can't go in because you're a cop in this town. You go in there
without probable cause, they're gonna call it an illegal search. Or didn't they
teach you that in cop school?
[Foley hands the keys to his beat-up car to a valet]
Axel Foley: Can you put this in a good spot? 'Cause all of this shit happened
the last time I parked here.
Victor Maitland: Now listen my tough little friend, I don't know from what stone
you crawled, or where you get thes ideas about me, but it seems painfully
obvious that you don't have the slightest fucking idea who you are dealing with.
So My advice to you is why don't you crawl back to your little stone in Detroit
before you get squashed.
Axel Foley: Hey, we're talking about a friend of mine here!
Inspector Douglas Todd: Yes we are, aren't we?! Now lets take a close look at
that. 1) A hoodlum friend. 2) A professional hit. 3) In a cops apartment. This
whole thing stinks to high heaven.
Axel Foley: How do you know it was a professional hit?
Inspector Douglas Todd: I didn't just walk in here from the corn fields. Whoever
popped your little buddy wasn't worried about your little narrow ass. Otherwise,
you'd be in the back of that meat wagon with him.
Detective Rosewood: Everything he said about Maitland is right. Now he's
kidnapped a woman and he's got her in this house.
Sergeant Taggart: Well, let's go in there and get her.
Axel Foley: What the fuck do you think I'm trying to do here?
Sergeant Taggart: You're not doing anything!