All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
- Andy Rooney Quote

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
- Andy Rooney Quote

As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
- Andy Rooney Quote

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
- Andy Rooney Quote

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
- Andy Rooney Quote

Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
- Andy Rooney Quote

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
- Andy Rooney Quote

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
- Andy Rooney Quote

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
- Andy Rooney Quote

I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.
- Andy Rooney Quote

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.
- Andy Rooney Quote

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
- Andy Rooney Quote

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
- Andy Rooney Quote

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
- Andy Rooney Quote

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
- Andy Rooney Quote

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
- Andy Rooney Quote

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.
- Andy Rooney Quote

Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
- Andy Rooney Quote

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
- Andy Rooney Quote

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
- Andy Rooney Quote

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
- Andy Rooney Quote

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
- Andy Rooney Quote

The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.
- Andy Rooney Quote

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
- Andy Rooney Quote

We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
- Andy Rooney Quote